You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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