do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
