I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I looked at my own cervix.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
