What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
