Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
