Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize