Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
