apparently the secret to your success is patron
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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