So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
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