why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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