Do vagina's smell?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
