I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
