just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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