I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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