hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
