I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
