Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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