I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
