Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
