I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
