Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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