I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
