Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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