just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
