proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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