Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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