i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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