Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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