I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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