apparently the secret to your success is patron
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Dear god my vagina.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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