hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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