i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
My bed smells like the plague
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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