she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
This couple is walking their pig around campus
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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