guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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