theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Is it because I queefed?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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