Fine. I'll sleep in my office
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
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I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
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Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Congratulations! We have a period
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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