wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I still have a little drunk in my system
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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