He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
