He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize