a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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