and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
