Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
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i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
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you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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