Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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