you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Randomize
