please come you make the beer taste better
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
