i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
