Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Randomize
