My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
