Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
