I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
What a dumb baby whore.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
‪Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best. ‬
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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