it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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