I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
