the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
