just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
barbara walters just said penis...
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
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