Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
