hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
