Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
