I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
