He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
