WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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