With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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