here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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