Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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