i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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