Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
