He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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