Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Randomize
