I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
the day after is always just damage control
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
