Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
