you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
